The Renewal Tobias's Story
by SD
Summary: This is a companion piece to my story "The Reunion." It is Tobias's autobiography of his life as an Animorph and after.
1. Default Chapter

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

_For those of you that think that all I can do is write dialogue, here's one that breaks all stereotypes - there's not a single line of dialogue in this piece. This is a companion piece to my ongoing story, "The Reunion." But each story can stand alone. If you haven't read "The Reunion," all you need to know is that this is based on an alternative ending of the series. I started working on this idea before the series ended, probably somewhere between books #33 and #43, so everything that K.A.A. wrote after that point does not apply to this story._

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**The Renewal**

by S.D.

**Chapter 1 - Prologue**

My name is Tobias. These days I'm going by the name Tobias Shamtul, but you probably just know me as Tobias. Or maybe "Bird Boy." It's been ten years since I became involved in the war with the Yeerks. And five years since my part in that war ended. This is my story.

For most of my life, I was a reject. That's not low self-esteem talking, that's a fact. My parents, for reasons I found out later, were unavailable. So I lived with one relative after another, with a few foster homes here and there, because no one wanted me. And of course, with bouncing from one house to another, I switched schools a lot. Being the new kid all the time, and not having much confidence due to my lack of family support made me an A bully magnet. I seemed to have an aura about me that said "pick on me, I'm easy." So, my home life sucked, my school life sucked, and the only place I really felt comfortable was at the park. Wherever I was living at the time, I'd find a park where I could read, draw, daydream, whatever. Just to be away from my life. But soon after my thirteenth birthday, things started happening that made my life up to that point look easy.

It all started the night that I walked home from the mall with Jake and his friends. I'd met Jake one of my first days at his school, when some of the resident bullies thought they'd get me acquainted with the school toilets – head first. Jake happened to walk in on it, and busted up their little party. He's this natural leader, people tend to listen to him and not really argue. So after that, Jake kind of took me under his protection. But it didn't really feel like real friendship. I was pretty sure that his best friend, Marco, thought I was a leech. But Jake was always friendly, so I didn't feel too bad about it.

The night that changed my life seemed pretty normal to begin with. It was a weekday evening, and Jake had mentioned that he and Marco were headed to the mall arcade after school. I'd saved up some money, so I decided to meet them there. I wandered through the comic book store, and the music store before heading to the arcade. When I got there, Jake and Marco were already in the middle of a two-player game. So I did my own thing for awhile. It wasn't until much later that I finally got up the nerve to join them. And by then, they were almost out of money. Jake's cousin, Rachel showed up about that time, with her friend, Cassie.

Now, the first time I ever laid eyes on Rachel was on my first day at their school. I had this disaster in the hallway with my books, and Rachel helped me pick everything up. She was really nice, and helpful, but as much as I had a "pick on me" aura, she had this untouchable aura. Like she was royalty or something. Set apart from the rest of the human race. This, compounded by the fact that she was absolutely gorgeous, and popular, left me completely unable to speak to her.

So when she showed up at the mall, my first thought was to turn and run. But, for possibly the first time in my life, I decided not to run. I've thought many times since then that if I had just left, my life would have been completely different. It was one of those moments – at the time it seemed like such an insignificant thing, to ride the bus home, or to walk with Jake and his friends. But it turned out to have consequences beyond anything I could have imagined. If I could go back, would I make the same choice? That's a difficult question. The next five years of my life were full of unimaginable horrors. But it's made me who I am. If I had taken the bus that night, I would be drastically different today. And there would be so much that I wouldn't know… I think I'd rather have it this way. I'd rather live through those horrors, and come out a stronger person. Because now I know the significance of a single moment. And I also know the significance of a single life. I know that one life can make all the difference…

That night, as Jake, Marco, Rachel, Cassie and I walked through the abandoned construction site near the mall, we saw something incredible. We saw a space ship crash land right in front of us. At this point, if you don't already know the story, you're going to think I'm crazy. I don't blame you. But trust me, this is for real. We saw the space ship crash, and we met the dying alien that had flown it. He was an Andalite, and his name was Elfangor. He told us that the Andalites were trying to stop another group of aliens, called the Yeerks, which were already secretly invading Earth.

As he lay there dying, he told us that the Andalites had lost a great battle, and that the fate of our planet was now in our hands. He gave us some Andalite technology, the power to morph – to change into animals. And then he told us to save ourselves and save our world. But as everyone else ran into the darkness, I stayed behind. Something about me had already changed, and I knew in my heart that I had to be alone with Elfangor. I'm not going to tell you all that he said to me, it's too personal. But I'll tell you this, I walked away from that construction site with the conviction that my life meant something.

That night, the Yeerks came. The Yeerk leader, Visser Three, executed Elfangor. I'm not going to go into that either… And five human kids went home that night wondering if it was now up to them to save the world.


	2. What You Already Know

**The Renewal**

by S.D.

Chapter 2 – What You Already Know

The five years that I was an Animorph changed me forever. I overstayed the two-hour morphing limit and became a nothlit, trapped in the body of a red tail hawk. Months later, I was given the power to morph again by an incredibly powerful being called the Ellimist. I even had the power to morph my own human body, and I could have chosen to remain human forever. But I couldn't give up the ability to morph. I couldn't walk out on the war… on my friends who were risking their lives every day.

During that time, I became best friends with Ax, the younger brother of the Andalite warrior who had given us the morphing technology. Ax and I are what the Andalites call shorm, friends who trust each other even to the point of allowing the other to place his tailblade against your throat. We were drawn even closer when we discovered that Elfangor, Ax's brother, was actually by a strange twist of fate, my father. I was a human in the body of a hawk, and Ax was an Andalite living among humans, but we were family.

Perhaps even stronger than my friendship with Ax, was my relationship with Rachel. It started that night at the construction site. I think being given the opportunity to save the world is just what Rachel needed to reveal her true self. She is a warrior; courageous, loyal, dedicated, and selfless. And that night, watching Elfangor give his life to save ours, something clicked inside of me too. That's what brought us together. We no longer feared pain, or death. Only losing each other…

Throughout those years, we faced nightmares that no teenager should ever have to face. We were tortured and threatened. We were betrayed, and we betrayed others. We saw both the best and the worst of humanity, even inside ourselves. But those stories have been told. What hasn't been told is how my part in the war came to an end, and what happened after. So let me take you back five years, to my last battle. The last battle between the Animorphs and Visser Three.


	3. The Final Battle

The final battle isn't something I really like to talk about. So I'll just tell you what you need to know and spare the gory details.

Visser Three had been stripped of his rank. The Yeerk Council had been overthrown and the new dictators of the Yeerk Empire didn't like how Visser Three had handled the invasion of Earth. Apparently, they thought it was some kind of personal vendetta by Visser Three, and that once it began to take up too many resources, he should have pulled out. Which was, ultimately, what he was ordered to do. They'd already snatched a few thousand humans, and had decided to start breeding their own hosts. But, by this point it really was personal, and Visser Three refused to give up Earth.

I'm not sure what Visser Three's long-term plan was, but we knew he was trying to build himself a fortress in the middle of a national park. He'd been shuttling in Controllers who were loyal to him, and had even established a small underground Yeerk Pool. We found out about it at about the same time that the Yeerk Council did. Their plan – to bomb the whole area and get out of our solar system pronto. We didn't want that to happen. Not only would we lose a breathtakingly beautiful national park, but we knew that Visser Three was holding at least 500 Hork Bajir and human Controllers at his compound. So our goal was to shut down Visser Three once and for all, before the Yeerks could strike.

We timed our attack to coincide with the arrival of Visser Three's Blade Ship. He was bringing it in to put it in a concealed hangar near his new Yeerk Pool. At this point, he had no idea that anyone knew what he was doing. Arrogant. He thought he'd just smuggle his Blade Ship into the woods so the Yeerk Council couldn't take it away from him. He had no idea that he was bringing two Animorphs along with him.

Rachel and Ax were hidden on the Blade Ship. Their job was to take Visser Three down. If they couldn't accomplish that, they were to bring the whole ship down. It was a kamikaze mission. Jake knew it when he sent them. I think that's why he sent Ax and Rachel. He knew that both of them would rather die than let Visser Three go through with his plan.

I was pretty ticked at Jake for sending Rachel on a suicide mission. I knew that if Rachel had been given the choice, she would have chosen to go. But that's not how it went down. Jake gave the order. And therefore, in my mind, if anything happened to Rachel, it would be on Jake's head. The same went for Ax. Ax feels that it's his duty to kill Visser Three in order to avenge Elfangor's death. Although when it comes down to it, it's probably just as much my duty, since I am Elfangor's son. But Ax has never seen it that way. But, this mission wasn't Ax's decision. I'm sure he agreed with it one hundred percent. But still, Jake gave the order, and Ax always obeys his prince's order – no matter what.

I guess Jake felt guilty about his decision. He knew he'd sent his two friends on a mission that would likely kill them both. Maybe that's why he decided to fly cover with me. Not that there would be much we could do to help, if it came down to it. Two birds against the Blade Ship? Not a chance.

Cassie and Marco were trying to break into the Yeerk Pool, so they could attempt to free as many involuntary Controllers as they could. They were also hoping to demolish the Kandrona, since Visser Three would have a hard time getting another one if he managed to survive our ambush.

Ax and Rachel were causing chaos onboard the ship, and got the engines offline before it made it to the hangar. Jake and I were getting running commentary from both Ax inside the ship, and Marco underground.

Suddenly, we noticed humans and Hork Bajir began emerging from what looked like a tiny cave in the woods. The Blade Ship noticed too. It began firing at the escapees. Ax and Rachel quickly disposed of the Controllers manning the Dracon beams. Then they morphed small, hoping to hide until Visser Three showed up. It didn't take long for him to realize that his bridge crew was out of commission. It was just moments later that he appeared on the bridge.

I knew Rachel and Ax's lives depended on Visser Three not noticing them until it was too late. I hatched a quick, crazy plan, and told Jake. I would fly out in front of the Blade Ship, announce to Visser Three who I was, and let him take shots at me until Rachel or Ax could take him out. Jake didn't think I could avoid being shot long enough to give Rachel & Ax the time they needed. I knew I could. Or, at least, I knew I had to try.

I'm an aerial acrobat. If there was any flying creature on the planet that could out maneuver me, I can't imagine what it could be. I had the instincts of a hawk, and the intelligence of a human. And I had five years of experience in using both to my best advantage.

Was it the smart thing to do? Probably not. I'm sure if we'd had time we could have come up with a much better plan. But the lives of my girlfriend and best friend were on the line and there was no time to talk about it. So I dove straight at the Blade Ship.

-Visser Three!- I yelled in thought speak. -My name is Tobias, son of Prince Elfangor-Sirinial-Shamtul. You killed my father, and now it's time for you to pay.-


	4. Life After Animorphs

The Dracon sliced my right wing right off. I fell. I don't really remember it. I was injured really bad. I don't know how I survived until the ranger found me. And I don't know why he didn't just shoot me to relieve my suffering. But apparently, he brought me to the wildlife center in the next county, who then transferred me to the raptor rehab center at the state university. I have some vague memories, but not much. The hawk's brain was pretty badly damaged. I remember having horrible blurred vision for a long time. It eventually got better to the point where I could read.

But the worst part was that my short-term memory was totally out of whack. I couldn't remember things from one day to the next. I knew that I wasn't supposed to be there. I guess I knew that I was human. But I couldn't plan an escape. I couldn't keep a train of thought going. I'd just get all confused. The doctor who was looking after me brought me to his house because he thought I needed 24-hour supervision. It still amazes me that he let me live. I guess I was able to eat alright. As my vision got better, I became a little more aware of my surroundings and it helped me to think more clearly.

I gradually remembered that I could morph, and that if I morphed, my body would be healed. But I was in a small cage. It never occurred to me that I could morph something small and morph back to hawk fully healed. The only thought I had was to morph to human. I couldn't even think ahead to what would happen if one morning the doctor woke up and I was fully recovered, with both wings intact. All I could think about was wanting to be human. So one day I spoke to him. I don't know what I said. It probably wasn't very coherent. But I convinced him to move me to a bigger cage. I told him I was human. Obviously he found it strange that a bird was talking to him. But he did what I asked. Later, he told me that I sounded so desperate, so sad, he had to give me a chance – even if he was imagining all of it.

So once I was in the flight cage in his back yard, I was finally able to morph human. It took awhile for my mind to clear. I didn't want to go back to hawk. But as I talked to Dr. Havens, my thoughts became clearer, and I realized that I had to demorph before the two hours were up. Dr. Havens was surprised when I demorphed and my hawk body was fully intact. I was relieved, but I still didn't want to be a hawk. So I morphed human again. I kept that up for a couple weeks.

Dr. Havens let me stay with him and I morphed human almost continuously. He was fascinated by everything I could tell him about being a hawk. He told me he'd never heard of the Yeerks, but he believed me. I guess when someone says that aliens gave him the power to turn into animals, and then he proves it, you have to believe what he says. He told me about a training program at the raptor center at Colorado State and suggested that I check it out. I knew it was exactly what I wanted to do.

After I was accepted, I felt like I had a purpose in life for the first time since the war. It felt good to be me – to be human. I'd only been spending a few hours a day as a hawk ever since I first morphed at Dr. Havens. I would hunt & sleep as a hawk, and demorph every two hours, but most of the time, I was human.


	5. A Choice

And one day, after a long stretch of studying, I wanted to take a nap. More than anything, I wanted to crawl into a bed and just pass out. And I finally realized that I was ready to be human – truly human –again. Sure, I still enjoyed flying, and the challenge of the hunt, and my incredible vision. But the price of having to demorph every two hours had become too high. It was disruptive to what I now considered to be my _real_ life. So, for the first time in like, six or seven years, I laid down on a bed and let myself fall asleep. It was awesome! I woke up three hours later feeling like a whole new person. It was probably a month later that it really hit me, what I had done. And at that point I broke down and grieved. But, I don't regret it.

After doing a semester of correspondence courses, I was finally accepted as an intern at the raptor center. It had been tough. I had to get my GED, since I hadn't actually attended any of highschool. I tried to give as accurate information as I could, but I never told anyone besides Dr. Havens the whole story. Basically, I said I had no parents, I ran away from my uncle as a teenager, and I'd spent five years living with friends and camping out. Not too far from the truth, but not exactly a flattering picture. So I had to prove that I would be willing to work hard & that I had the brains to make it through the program. Eventually, I'm hoping to build up enough credentials to go to college & get an ornithology degree. But that's a ways off.

I moved in with some guys who worked at the center. The house is kind of like the fraternity for bird geeks. It's actually owned by one of the vets, so he charges next to nothing for rent if you work at the center. I also picked up a job at a furniture store owned by one of my friends' brothers. So during the day, I sold furniture, and then worked the evening watch at the raptor center. Between the two jobs, I was working about 60-70 hours a week. It was intense, but good. I was building up my people skills (not to mention sales skills) at the furniture job. And I got to spend the evenings with birds & people who love birds.

And all the while, I was saving money like nobody's business. I knew I wanted to save up to go to school eventually. But first, I wanted a car. I'd missed out on a lot of things during my five years as a hawk, so I felt like I deserved just a tad of self-indulgence. The hawk-mobile is my indulgence. But last year, I was given the opportunity to start doing presentations at the center. I had to cut back my furniture store hours, which has slowed my rate of college saving. But I have really enjoyed doing the presentations. My sales training has really paid off. I love walking around the center with one of my birds, engaging people, teaching, getting others hooked on raptors.


	6. The Reunion

After doing roaming presentations, I started helping out on stage. At first I was just like a display rack. I just held the bird while the presenter talked about it. That's when Rachel first showed up at the center. I saw her walk in with her friend, Nadine, and I almost keeled over right on stage. Of course I'd thought about seeing her again. I'd tried once or twice to get contact information on all the Animorphs. But everyone had pretty much disappeared. I'd pretty much decided that it was better for me to leave that all behind, start over fresh. But then, there she was. I wasn't entirely sure it was her. Her hair was brown, and she kind of slinked into the auditorium – and I'd never known Rachel to slink.

After the show, Nadine ambushed me. She had a million and one questions & she was snapping pictures left and right. And all I was thinking the whole time was how to ask her what her friend's name was without sounding like a weirdo. So I invited her to come back and see more birds… "and you can bring your friend if you want."

Nadine had to practically drag Rachel to the back. We were introduced, and I at least knew that her name was Rachel. But she was nervous, and I was used to a Rachel that practically oozed confidence from every pore. So I did what I could to put her at ease. I let her handle a peregrine falcon (I knew she'd fall for that one). She resisted for awhile, but finally gave in. She let herself go, and I could tell she was enjoying stroking his feathers. So, while her guard was down, I tested her. I used thought-speak to call her name. It was as if I'd thrown icewater on her. She withdrew immediately and rushed out.

I let her go, but I still had Nadine there – my last chance. So I encouraged Nadine to volunteer at the center. She was enthusiastic, but said she'd have to check with Rachel, since she didn't have her own transportation at that time. That week was seriously the most emotionally charged week of my life. I was so sure that it was the same Rachel, and yet, she was so obviously different. I felt like I needed to know for sure, and I needed her to know who I was. But at the same time, I was afraid that I was chasing memories, dragging up the past that we had both obviously moved on from.

The next day, there she was. Reluctant, but there. She came to the back where the birds where, and stumbled across my section – where all the birds I cared for and handled were kept. I saw her stop at Cruiser's cage, and she started talking to him. She looked so sad. I knew I had to come out and tell her who I was. But something was still holding me back. I hadn't told anyone my story in so long. And what if I was wrong about who she was? Maybe deep down I wanted so badly to have a resolution, that I had convinced myself that she was someone she wasn't. But then, she walked past my other birds, Xena, Ax-man, and Prince Jake. She stopped as if frozen, and then she shuddered. It was an incredibly physical reaction. And I _knew_. So I told her to meet me the next day. I needed time to rehearse what I was going to say.

It's possible that that was the longest 24 hours of my life. I don't think I ever dreaded a battle as much as I dreaded that conversation. I couldn't come up with any way to say it without sounding like I had totally abandoned the Animorphs… because I had. I could have found Rachel. I could have knocked on her mom's door & asked where she was going to school. I could have searched the internet. But I hadn't. I had convinced myself that everyone else had moved on, and that they didn't need me. I knew everyone had gone different directions – it never occurred to me that my "death" may have been the reason.

Well, the day came… I told Rachel who I was. I was ready to apologize, beg forgiveness, plead my case, grovel & anything else she demanded. But she was a different Rachel. She basically said, the past is the past, let's leave it there. And we started over. And yeah, I asked her to marry me. Even after not seeing her for five years, after building a whole life without her, within a few hours of getting reacquainted, I knew I never wanted to be apart from her again. Crazy? Probably. But my life has always been crazy.


End file.
